- Devote. Cherish. Appreciate -

It's been a very long time... the reason I'm back here to post again because I've been storing a lot of emotions inside me... First of all, I've finally graduated from university and started to enter the workforce. It was quite stressful for me at the start but I sort of gotten used to it. However when I was handled over to take over the work, that's when the real stress kicks in... lots of changes to make, lots of requirements from the clients resulting me to work overtime, becomes very stressful...  At times like that I kept a lot to myself... it was until when people asked me when I'm okay that I started to tear up... showing my weakness... that was bad... since both of my closest colleagues were out for lunch and I didn't I tried to cool down before they came back... One of them saw me and came up to me to ask if I'm okay, that's when I tear up again... which makes me feel very vulnerable.... I did talked to him after work in the MRT... I

It's been a while... lots of things happened... Some things I just don't know how to put it into words... It's hard for me to say or even type it out cause it breaks my heart.... but I've think I've become stronger than before...  I've lost my beloved grandpa on the 30 Jan this year... He was a hundred... I don't know who to put the blame on but myself.... to be honest, I have not open my heart out to anyone about this issue and you readers will be the first to hear it... I've lost my grandma a few years back and that made me to cherish my grandparents who are still here with me more. I've spent more time with them, bring them out for some ice cream or short walks to keep them accompany. I do visit them every week on weekends. As for my grandpa, his memory is deteriorating due to his age, at times he can remember me and talk a lot to me but for this year, he became more tired, more quiet... I always make it a point to go up to him and ask him who am

It's back again... I was initially okay at first... However, the fact of going to school and facing people just brought me down again... cried for the previous 2 nights... couldn't sleep well... woke up here and there... had to swallow my tears on the way to school and let it out in the toilet... I'm a total disaster and at a loss.. I felt so helpless and useless at what I am doing... making the wrong choices... things not working out for me.... things are just terrible.... It's very hard for me to describe it on my end here... people who knows me thinks that I'm just a annoying person who does not know how to cope with her feelings... while others think that I'm fine... but it only takes seconds or minutes for my close friends to know that I'm going through a very tough and hard time inside... It takes a lot of courage for me to type this out... I'm also crying uncontrollably on the inside... this is not how I want it to be.... Thinking positive for