Day 14

Woke up late today as we watched a soccer match last night... woke up and went back to my apartment to bathe (I didn't bath last night) watch some videos on my friends phone which brought me to tears... including my friend.... I understand the pain of losing someone that is close to you, losing your family members....  I once had a friend who was very cheerful, very kind and we always played together. We would sit beside each other and chat non stop... we would even meet up during weekends to play together, I would go to her house and she would come to mine, I even learnt how to cycle a bicycle from her and she was my primary school friend... After our PSLE, we went to different secondary school, but I do still see her around as she stays near my house, we would still talk non stop... It was during Poly that I received a news that she collapse when she was on the way to see a doctor. She was not feeling well for a few days back.... when she was sent to the hospital, the doctors mentioned that it was heart infection... minutes later... the bad news came.... I was so shocked so depressed.... I didn't know what to do... I lost a friend... a friend that is so dear to me.... that always cheer me up... I didn't want to face it.... it was just so hard to face it....

People who are strong on the outside doesn't mean that they are not weak,  they have been through a lot to overcome all of it... we were once weak and it depends on how we fight to portray ourselves to others... others might think that they have no feelings at all... , no stress, no problems... I understand how people feel, what people think... I can relate to their feelings...  I feel for them... there are times where strong people break down and cry... some for no reasons, some for obvious reasons... people cry to become strong, people cry to get over things, people cry to realise what they have done... I'm one of those that do a lot of reflections especially in the night... thinking... for the past few months, it was terrible for me... sadness was everywhere... I can't do a single shit well... committing suicide was really really one of my top options... I just couldn't think straight at all.... It was really tough for me and even for my friends....

Stayed away from social media, stayed away from friends... those were what I did to distance myself away from them... I know that I'm hurting from the inside, I know that they are also hurting... There's really too much thoughts going through my mind... I just hope that I'll be back to my normal self again... 

Let's not talk about that... it made me tear typing all those down....

Went to Home Plus to get ingredients to make the Chicken rice today but we couldn't find the lemon grass and pandan leaves.... but still we tried to make it anyway, we even bought steak for dinner which will be prepared by my friend!

Lunch was a friend chicken that we got from Home Plus

Spent the whole day at home in the kitchen preparing for dinner, I cooked chicken rice and my friend cook steak, I messed up the steak and felt really bad about it... I have never cook a steak before... my friend was there to help me out with the mess I made.... I have never really cooked the chicken rice without my mum's help before and I was afraid that it might turned out bad, it did turned out not bad... I think... but the way I shop the chicken needs to be improved... 

This was one of the most scrumptious home cooked dinner I had in Korea! After dinner, it wa time to sent my friends home... once again the same old feeling....