- Devote. Cherish. Appreciate -

 Back to posting here again :) Soo basically I've been wanting to put braces since secondary school days but didn't have the courage to because first of all I didn't have the money and second of all I didn't want to feel the pain hahaha. Now, given that I have some income, I went ahead to have consultation. Basically I was rejected by one dentist because it seems that my case was a pretty complicated one. I wanted to consult for Invisalign ones cause they look much more cooler but damn it was way too costly soo nope.  I went to the first clinic and they examine my teeth in shock! He mentioned that I had severe overcrowding and also hypodontia (too many teeth grow in my mouth) I basically had one in my lower jaw and another one hidden beneath my gum so yeahh... a monster.. so since my first consultation was an Invisalign, he went through with me a lot of details such as what I have to do, how long to have the clear plastics in my mouth, etc, however one thing that he men...

Focus on your happiness, learn to self care, only then you will be able to appreciate  Cherish, always cherish every single moment with your loved ones, you won’t know what’s gonna happen next, don’t regret People do much more than you think they do, do not assume, people might be going through a difficult times just that you are not aware of  Those are some of the takeaways that I had when I took the wrong move. I felt so broken and torn after that... even until now... I guess I acted that way was because I didn’t want others to judge... I was so torn... but I get it now... it ain’t matter how people judge you, what matters is that it came from within.... I went back because I was worried, because I was scared, and because I was mad and angry for my actions that I did...  one very last thing.... you don’t have to care what the other judge or think... I’m slowly and trying to overcome this part... I hope I’ll learn and get over it.... I hope and pray that everything goes ...

Some things can be explained, some things can't be explained... well I guess this is where I come here to reflect on how I feel to seek for any advices if there are any? I did a lot of self reflections recently, be it good or bad, be it for personal or for work.. lots of things also happened for the past few months, some good, some not so. But we make the decision on how we want to see things, we decide how we want to feel, except for some where we couldn't control... Let me just mentioned some things that went well and I was happy of for the past few months: My sister has finally cleared all her modules!! I'm really proud of her! Studying is not her forte but she has put in a lot of hardwork and I'm really very happy for her. I can't wait for her to start working soon. Hopefully she's able to find a job with a decent pay My body percentage fat decreased by 4% as compared to last year which I'm really happy about BUT my weight increased which kinds of feels ...

It's been a long time... Reasons for me coming back to blog was because a lot of emotions piled up... I just lost my beloved grandma on the 3 Feb 2020, it came as a sudden shock to me.. she was hospitalized on the 17 Feb and discharged on the 24 Feb.. I visited her in the hospital everyday, asked her if she remembers my name and I would so happy that she remembers and said my name correctly. I was happy that she was able to respond to some of the questions that I asked her.. we were also able to celebrate the Chinese New Year together with my grandma.. since then I do notice that she's not too responsive to me... that made me sad... I hold on to her hands, told her who I am hoping that she will call my name again. Every single visit become more heartbreaking for me... 2 Feb was the last time that I saw my grandma... she was significantly weaker.. which brought me to tears... 3 Feb, I received messages from my sister saying that she's not in the good condition according ...

I had dinner date with my dad yesterday since my mum and sister went out with my aunt. Dinner was spicy! Loads of chilli! But the company was heartwarming :)) After dinner, we went home and rested on the sofa... my dad then broke into a conversation... he told me that grandpa could have survived past 100 plus years old if not because of what had happened... and yes, I agreed with him... after the conversation, alot of thoughts went through my mind... my dad hasn't gotten over the fact that he had lost his beloved father... I'm not writing this to say that he should get over it since he's a guy or whatsoever, everyone also have feelings even guys... I was quite emotional by the fact that he had brought this conversation up with me... I was trying hard to hold back my tears not to break down in front of him... it was a tough night... after the conversation I had to find excuse to go to the bathroom to let it out... it was just too much to hold it in... I am still missing m...

Realised I haven't been posting much lately... lots of things came up recently some good but mostly bad.... At this point in time, I'm not sure if I had made the right decision anymore, I'm not sure of where I wanna go... I'm just very lost... It's simple as A or B but if I take any one the other one will get hurt, best choice, drop both... or disappear from here.. It just hurts so much at times that I had to control it so much just not to show... it's tough... real tough... can anyone help me pleasee?

It's been a very long time... the reason I'm back here to post again because I've been storing a lot of emotions inside me... First of all, I've finally graduated from university and started to enter the workforce. It was quite stressful for me at the start but I sort of gotten used to it. However when I was handled over to take over the work, that's when the real stress kicks in... lots of changes to make, lots of requirements from the clients resulting me to work overtime, becomes very stressful...  At times like that I kept a lot to myself... it was until when people asked me when I'm okay that I started to tear up... showing my weakness... that was bad... since both of my closest colleagues were out for lunch and I didn't I tried to cool down before they came back... One of them saw me and came up to me to ask if I'm okay, that's when I tear up again... which makes me feel very vulnerable.... I did talked to him after work in the MRT... I ...

It's been a while... lots of things happened... Some things I just don't know how to put it into words... It's hard for me to say or even type it out cause it breaks my heart.... but I've think I've become stronger than before...  I've lost my beloved grandpa on the 30 Jan this year... He was a hundred... I don't know who to put the blame on but myself.... to be honest, I have not open my heart out to anyone about this issue and you readers will be the first to hear it... I've lost my grandma a few years back and that made me to cherish my grandparents who are still here with me more. I've spent more time with them, bring them out for some ice cream or short walks to keep them accompany. I do visit them every week on weekends. As for my grandpa, his memory is deteriorating due to his age, at times he can remember me and talk a lot to me but for this year, he became more tired, more quiet... I always make it a point to go up to him and ask him who am ...

It's back again... I was initially okay at first... However, the fact of going to school and facing people just brought me down again... cried for the previous 2 nights... couldn't sleep well... woke up here and there... had to swallow my tears on the way to school and let it out in the toilet... I'm a total disaster and at a loss.. I felt so helpless and useless at what I am doing... making the wrong choices... things not working out for me.... things are just terrible.... It's very hard for me to describe it on my end here... people who knows me thinks that I'm just a annoying person who does not know how to cope with her feelings... while others think that I'm fine... but it only takes seconds or minutes for my close friends to know that I'm going through a very tough and hard time inside... It takes a lot of courage for me to type this out... I'm also crying uncontrollably on the inside... this is not how I want it to be.... Thinking positive for ...

loads of unfortunate things happen for the past weeks... Grandma was breathless for weeks, helper called stating that her fingers changed colour... we got worried and her down to the hospital... she was diagnosed with fluid in her lungs.. had to use the oxygen tube to assist her in the breathing... I was heart broken on the inside... seeing that she has to suffer, lost her appetite... Going in and out of the hospital was really tiring on my end... bought some food to persuade her to take which eventually she did, everyday without fail she will asked the same question "can I go back home now?" :'( it takes time to recover... I hope that she recovers fast... Just recently, my sister told me the news of  SHINEE, a Kpop group that I first listen to, a member JongHyun passed away.. I was shocked by the news, only realized later that he was suffering from the inside a lot... read his message and viewed his videos, he is always seen as a very outspoken person on all TV shows.....

如果装得开心能够让跟多人开心， 不让别人因为我而感到伤心，不让别人因为我而感到烦恼， 不让别人因为我而感到不自在，那我宁愿一辈子装下去。虽然心里还是会感到伤心，悲哀偶尔还会流眼泪， 偶尔还会想起以前不开心的事，偶尔还会偷偷跑去厕所藏起来哭， 这一切我能够承担。。。 Saw my sister trying to hide her tears standing near the window, wiping her face profusely with the tower.... that scene just breaks me so much from the inside.... I couldn't give any good advice to her but told her to press on and continue... Be strong, be brave...

This week wasn't good at all... In fact it was the worst one ever... went to met up with my career counselor... I didn't know what I want to do once I've graduated... finding a job is definitely hard for me given that I'm not able to meet ALL of the company requirements... career counselor also mentioned that given my resume, I wasn't able to find any jobs out there.... it was very harsh to hear that... I was nearly on the verge of tears but I kept holding it in throughout and stayed strong... did not let any drop of tear roll down my face.... just pretended to sniffle a little here and there, putting on a fake smile... after the meeting, I was really depressed given by that fact... swallowing my own tears was really very tough... especially when you had to hide from it all, putting on a pretence... the pain is real... hurts like mad... but that's life right? live in your own misery... you dug your own grave you have to live with it... :'( been holding for...

Ups and Down... hated that feeling a lot.... especially when it's down... just didn't want to do anything... just want to stay at home and lay on my bed... Forced myself to go to school despite how much I hate it... went a few times to the washroom to clear up some tears before I went for classes... feeling is just very bad... last few weeks was bad... some days are just smooth whereas some are just down the drain... I don't know how to explain it in detailed here... it's just a very bad feeling you get... I just hope things just goes well... things are starting to get more hectic now... :'(

Didn't blogged for the last week because I was still coping with whatever I'm going through.... someday I feel alright, someday I felt bad, someday I cried here and there... There are a lot of things going on inside... someday I just didn't want to be in school... seeing a whole bunch of students there just makes me scared... just wanna run away from whatever that's happening now.... I just want to put an end to this.... it's killing me from the inside.... Week 3 was average.... I did manage to open up to some of the people whom I used to talked a lot but I still cannot make eye contact with the person for long... if I had too, I had to avoid looking into the eye... it's hard.... everything changes.... people changes, their attitude changes, they way they behave changes.... it's not the usual thing anymore.... things just got worse here and there... Didn't managed to see Groffery (dog) until recently, I'm glad that he still managed to recognise m...

End of week 1... Tuesday was very bad... tear quite a bit on the way to school... course bidding and school are making me very afraid of lessons and classes... Got quite scared of lessons in school... :'( However Sunday was fun.... joined the Ultimate Food Trail 2017, travel around to try out the different food, was quite disappointed by some of it... Got some bad thoughts along the way..... :( Just hope that week 2 will be better...

Feeling bad lately.... lost of things happen for the past weeks.... cousin gave birth to a healthy baby boy :) few weeks later my aunt has left us for a better place.... Grandpa's memory has worsen.... can barley recognize me.... Grandma too... :'(  Can't cope with the emotions that I'm going through.... school's starting tomorrow.... I don't have the courage to get back to school anymore... I'm even more scared and afraid of what the future might bring.... :(

Spent my day at my grandparent house today. I was really happy that my grandfather could still recognize me :) my grandma got confused between my eldest sister and myself.... I did trick her at first but told her the truth in the end... Got to my grandparent house and made some sweet and sour pork for them... we did also prepare some cauliflower fried rice which was a healthier alternatives....  I did brought my grandfather down for a walk... apparently he has mistaken me for the maid and passed me money to purchase a movie ticket for him to watch movie.... my grandfather couldn't think properly at that time... I was sad at that point of time... pushed him to the garden and asked him about my identity... he didn't get it right at first and I had to tell him my identity then he realized and asked where is the maid.... it was a sad and yet funny moment there.... after lunch, my grandma, dad and I took a cab down to my aunt place as my grandma wanted to visit her... My aunt...

Decided to change to a new skins as the previous one wasn't able to show the full post and I didn't know why... looked through the whole code and could not find it... I did a back up of the previous one as I really loved the previous skins as compared to the current one.... Ever since I got back from Korea, lots of things changed.... I felt weird taking an MRT ride to places.... it seems much dimmer as compared to Korea.... I've got some allergy on my legs, went to the doctor, the doctor couldn't tell what it was.... it got serious a week later, went to another doctor, they prescribed a more stronger medicine with some lotion... did felt very drowsy after that.... Also, once I got back I did went out with friends to places... went out for dinner, went to the school... school changes a lot... much more modernized now I would say... but still... I'm still afraid of school... I felt that it's all coming back.... Been thinking a lot recently... had some not so go...

Day 130 HOME SWEET HOME! Had some last minute packing.... went to the airport early to have a good meal before we head off to the airport.... luggage was really very heavy.... really appreciative to have friend to help me with it... my baggage was overweight... but was really thankful that they waived it off for us..... Exchange is over in an blink of an eye... learnt a lot of things along the way.... from school work to house hold work to some cooking.... really enjoyed staying with my house mates..... thanks for all the wonderful experiences.....

Day 129 Got back home quite late last night.... slept through the whole of morning.... went out to have a plate of black bean paste noodle at the same stall that we had yesterday before we head off to Bupyeong to purchase all the snacks.... Bought a whole trolley of snacks along with some coloured contacts lenses... went back to the apartment to put our stuff down before we head out again for dinner... we had dinner together with some of my friend buddy.... dinner was okay, not too bad....    After dinner, we went into a cafe to have a cup of coffee before we call it a night... I ordered the mocha cafe.... all of the cafe and dinner were paid by their buddies.... was really thankful for that.... after the coffee... it was time to bid goodbye.... it was tough.... really hated goodbye at times like this....  back at our apartment was the tedious work of packing..... 

Day 128 Was supposed to go to the D museum today but I was having a really bad cramp.... and decided to rest at home instead.....  cramp was going on for the whole day.... went to the nearby neighborhood for lunch.... had a bowl of seafood soup.... After lunch, we went to shop for the ingredients needed at the supermarket, tonight's dinner will be steamboat bah kut teh, along side with some egg omelette, broccoli and mapo tofu..... Dinner was just awesome! after that we went out to some bar to chill out..... some of us were completely out when we took the shot, some of us are still surviving well... I did survive of course.... took care some of my friends before we went back to the apartment....  Know a lot of stuffs about my friend.... really hurt to see my friend suffering from the inside when they put up a strong front.... it's only those that had been through the hardship that will be able to understand the pain that one is going through... one will ...

Day 127 EVERLAND!!!!! woke up early in the morning to take the train plus the bus down... t was a long ride there... we did managed to take most of the ride but because some were scary, I chicken out.... We had KFC for lunch first before we began our journey.... First stop,we took a sky way down to visit the attractions that are more subtle first... Second, we went into the mystery house, so basically you are seated on this ride with the gun and you are supposed to shoot the green lights.... we didn't know what to do and kept shooting at random stuff.... there was a score tag to your seat.... I didn't realise that I have to shot the green lights until nearing the end of the ride..... Third, we went to rotating house, it was a indoor 360 degree rotating house.... you can really feel the force of turning it.... it was quite interesting.... the last part was unexpected where you could feel some massage going on in your bum... Fourth was happy fam...

Day 126 Went to the Gangchon Rail Park (강촌레일파크) today.... had Loterria for lunch at the station and took the ITX down to the Gimyujeong Station... I did enjoy myself at the rail park, the cycling was fun, the scenery was also very beautiful... I like the part where it went into the different tunnel for the different experiences.... After the rail park we took a long train ride back down to Hong Dae to have the tteokbokki buffet with a mission in mind... we did complete the mission of course.... after that we made a last minute decision to Ewha to purchase the duffel bag as I do not have enough space in my luggage.... I was glad that I was able to find one at Ewha University..... after that we went home.... basically we had a long day today.... long and fun day.... 

Day 125 Moving in was great experience, but moving out was bad... had lunch together with my friend before we send them off to the station.... After lunch, send my friends off to the station and bid goodbye... it was really a sad moment... stayed with them for so long....  it was really hard to say goodbye... went to Hongdae after that to play the claw machine and the darts machine.... friends manage to catch some toys, felt happy for them.... after that we had to get back to our apartment to move our luggage to Incheon... It was tough to say goodbye... really tough... sad... heartbreaking... heavy heart.... didn't have the mood to talk but had to... it was hard...  mood was worst..... let's just stop here....

Day 124 Lunch was at the restaurant that I had together with my parents when they came here last time.... After lunch, we went to the dog cafe.... wanted to go there for a long time.... didn't really like the huge dogs there as they were somehow scary to me... I do prefer dogs that are a little quite, a little playful.... there were some dogs that were really very timid and were shivering when I approach them.... I did feel sad for them.... my heart just broke...             some of the dogs there did perform some stun to get their treats.... we did bought a packet of treats to feed them.... and once we open the pack they start to go near you immediately..... After the dog cage, went to Wangshimi to get a new pair of shoes which I had some difficulties deciding... but after sometime, I've decided to get the black one instead, it was a long train ride before we get to the destination.... went to the shop, tried on the...

Day 123 Went for a haircut plus dying of hair colour today... took me a lot of courage to decided to dye my hair... my parents really allow me to dye but after some talking to them... they did allow but not so bright colours... I did chose a colour that was not too bright and not too obvious.... did have some negative comments after that which did break me at first... After we are done with our haircut and dye, we went for lunch at 77th Street...           after lunch, we went to Ehwa University to shop.... half way through we went to have some bing soo at gong cha... didn't like the taste... it was really disappointing.... After shopping we went back to our apartment to rest before we head out to Mangwon to get the necessary ingredients....  dinner was claypot chicken rice plus fried chicken    After diner, we had to pack our luggages... some of us are leaving... some of us are moving over to Incheon as th...