Met up with some of my friends this week, I didn't really wanted to go initially cause I wasn't in a good state and I don't want it to affect them... but ya... they noticed something and kept asking me why I'm so quiet... it was really a struggle back then cause I really don't know how to explain it to them... had to constantly divert my eyes away so that they would not notice anything...
Went into the logo section of the toys r us shop and started to piece the lego parts together for no reason and came across this innocent toddler, he look at me in the eye for quite some time and pass me all of his legos pieces... I was shocked and used whatever me passed to me and fix it on the logo board, he grabbed more and handled it to me and smiled... I was rather thankful that he did that... and I left the lego section with a teary eyes.... it felt as though he understands me...
All the train rides journey to places are some of my hardest struggle now... had to hold back my tears every now and then... times where I can't hold back any longer, it just flows out continuously.... it just feels so bad and hurtful inside... it feels as though I'm always stuck in this dark box with no holes and it's suffocating to the point of giving up... no matter how hard I've tired to get out, I slipped back in again and again.... don't know what's pulling me back... starting to lose my patience.... always on the verge of giving up.... some day, maybe....