Back to Blogging again?

Back to blogging? Yay!! I need to pour out some of my feeling here. Been bottling up lots emotions and thoughts to myself for the past year (real long time) and it has reach it's peak... time to let it all out! 

You may be wondering why do I bottle up my felling and not let it out.. well... here are my reasons for it. 

Firstly, I don't want anyone to be affected by what I'm thinking or feeling. I want people around me to be happy and healthy. Any comments or thoughts that I make might affect them which I do not want to...Yes, you may think that I'm being selfish for not sharing information with friends who are always there to give a helping hand. But let's think of it this way, if whatever you think is going to hurt the other person badly will you say it? If you don't say it the person would not know, if you say it is gonna turn out bad. What will you do if you're in this situation? Sometimes, I'd rather tell the person, sometimes I prefer not to... it all depends on situation. Say it and mean it or say it and mean the other? the choice is ours.

Secondly, I'd rather go through all the tough times rather than seeing my family or friends suffer. Yes, some may say that I do not know how it feels like going though all those hard ship and if I ever been into one, I will not even be able to step out again. Well... let's be frank, I know how it feels like being bullied, being teased at, having people hurling vulgarities at me every single day. I've been through it, it felt bad, it felt as though no one cares about me, I felt terribly small with no control whatsoever. This happened for about 2 years or so until I burst out tearing in front of them when they were hurling vulgarities at me, they were scared, frightened and unsure of what to do. The next thing I knew, they apologize I'm not sure if they did that because they were afraid of punishment from the teacher or because they really mean it but I thought the latter one. From that day one, they didn't hurl as much vulgarities as before but still, we can' control them because this is how they are. 

But there are times where your close friends are able to tell if you're feeling down or having some mixed emotions going on. I then realized that you can't always keep bottling up inside, you'll explode one day, like me. I've been too selfish doing that, I didn't realize that my friends are affected if you are not your usual self. I'll learn to talk it out and ask for help when necessary. In life, it's all about learning and sharing. Do you believe if I ever told you that I have a mild depression?